Recent Facebook Conversation:
Friend:
“Hey my kids just started at a new school and really feel like the fat kid. I need to start working out.”
Me:
“That would be a good thing. Let me know what you need help with.”
Friend:
“You can Tell All the Moms Here Take Care of Themselves”
“Don’t know how they do it”
“I just don’t have the time”.
When I hear this it strikes me as:
- Weird
- Sad
Shouldn’t we all Take Care of Ourselves?
Isn’t that really important?
Since when did “Taking Care of Yourself” become something that is out of the ordinary?
Shouldn’t that be the default?
Especially in a society that has the time to consume 8 hours of entertainment EVERY DAY.
And worse, in some type of perverse way, women use it against each other as some sort of backhanded compliment.
I mean, The Audacity/ Wonder/ Splendor of
See its kinda like Prime Time said:
Nobody wants to look like crap, feel like crap, move like crap.
But for some reason most people have allowed that to become the default.
That’s just, “How it Goes”
But we all know “taking care of yourself” is something we should do.
What is this Paradox?
In a world where people are increasingly becoming less healthy, less active, and less functional as humans.
And yes, less attractive, 70% of all US adults are overweight and that number is climbing fast.
I know, you can’t say that out loud anymore, it’s fat shaming, but c’mon, it’s true. <—you should click it, it’s that good.
Maintaining these attributes is somehow considered as strange, extraordinary, or a personality flaw?
She actually told me that taking time to “Take Care of Herself” felt selfish and was taking away from her commitments as a mom and wife.
Ohh really?
Somehow keeping yourself, healthy, vibrant, physically attractive or at least attempting to stop the slide into something short of a comatose, gelatinous blob is somehow selfish.
Excuse Based Culture, The Age of Martyrdom and The “False Sacrifice”:
We live in a fundamentally excuse based culture.
Everyone has stuff they want and a reason why they don’t have it.
And it’s all BS.
You’re 100% responsible for your life.
End of Story.
You ate too much and moved too little.
It’s YOUR fault, you don’t have a fat gene, you have a Pizza Hut and ice cream gene.
Can’t walk up a flight of stairs without looking like you need a rescue inhaler and an AED?
You don’t need to sit in front of the TV and watch Dancing with the Losers for another time, you need to take a walk around the block every night.
It’s entirely YOUR fault.
But we don’t like to take responsibility for our faults so we need a way to justify and insulate ourselves and our excuses.
Enter Martyrdom Complex and the “False Sacrifice”
Martyrdom Complex: taking responsibility and “suffering” for others lives as the way out of taking responsibility for your own.
You can’t possibly take care of yourself, that would take away from you “Raising a Child” and “Caring for a Husband“.
Or at least that’s what YOU tell YOURSELF to insulate YOU from TAKING ACTION.
Lets face it, getting off your ass taking action is:
Simple
not
Easy
It takes energy, time, determination and motivation
Want to make a change in life?
You’re going to have to sacrifice something, TV, coffee time, Facebook, Pinterest...something
You’re going to have to sacrifice the comfort of the “known” for the uncomfortable of the “unknown”.
On some level, you’ve got to (change your story) sacrifice who you’ve been:
But we don’t like change.
So the Martyr gives up something as a “sacrifice” that justifies the “burden” they’ve placed upon themselves placed upon them.
“False Sacrifice”
Giving up something as a way of positioning themselves as the one sacrificing when in reality what they’re sacrificing either:
A: Doesn’t need to be given up.
B: Doesn’t actually change or better anyone’s situation.
It’s kinda like the friend you have who gave up diet soda because of the supposed negative health effects of artificial sweeteners yet eats cheeseburgers and pizza every-night, hasn’t had a vegetable in years and can’t even take the time to walk around the block a few times a week.
Yeah, that Sweet-N-Low, it’ll get ya.
The “false sacrifice” takes the place of what really needs to happen for “desired” outcome X, Y, Z to happen.
It may be meaningless in reality, it may come at no real cost, but to the Martyr it justifies their self-imposed “suffering” and inability to change.
Which is really just maintenance of the status quo.
And the status quo ain’t working for an awful lot of people moms these days.
If you haven’t been “Taking Care of Yourself”, you may want to consider
Time isn’t an issue:
We ALL have the same 24 hours in a day.
Stop wasting so many of them on useless, no value activities.
Next time instead of saying,
“I don’t have time”
say
“It’s not a priority”
One hour is 4% of the day, a half hour is 2% and you don’t need a ton of time to get in a decent workout.
| Exercise | Sets | Reps | Rest |
| Cat Camel | 1 | 5 | none |
| Groiners with Reach | 1 | 5 (each side) | none |
| 1a) Side Lunge | 2 | 10 (each side) | none |
| 1b) Band Pull Aparts | 2 | 15 | none |
| 1c) Glute Bridge | 2 | 15 (each side) | none |
| 1d) Slider hamstring Curl | 2 | AMAP | none |
| 2a) Goblet Squat | 2 | 5 | 30’s |
| 2b) Pushup | 2 | AMAP | 30’s |
| 2c) KB Row | 2 | AMAP | 30’s |
| 3a) KB Swings | 5 | 15 | 30’s |
*AMAP= as many GOOD reps as possible
That should take about 30 minutes…a Kettlebell, a band and a set of sliders….
You’ll be smoked.
Money isn’t an issue:
You can go for a run for the cost of shoes (unless you do that barefoot thing, but I live in Baltimore…too many crack pipes, shell casings, broken bottles and used needles crab claws).
You can buy a pullup bar for $30 and do pushups, squats and planks for free.
You can buy a set of Powerblocks up to 50lbs each hand for $300 (maybe less on Craigslist)
Mother F@#cking Planet Fitness is $10 f@cking dollars a month.
*Yes PF sucks, but it’s better than sitting on your couch complaining about being fat.
These guys workout on an goddamn playground…..a Mary Franklin (that’s short for MF’ing) playground…look at them
And you can’t afford the cost?
What’s the cost of your cabinet full of medication/ workdays lost/ surgeries needed and
LIFE EXPERIENCES LOST?
Space/ Place isn’t an Issue:
I have a Distance Coaching (you can apply here) client who trains in her basement.
One who trains in her living room with some bands and 3 different sized Kettlebells
Another who trains in his garage. <—–but he’s got a sick setup…
another who travels about half the days of the year and trains mostly in hotel gyms and her hotel room.
another who works out in his office. Yes, actually in his office.
He’s got a set of Powerblocks and 
another who trained out of her 500 square foot apartment complex gym. 2 benches, a smith machine, universal cable machine and dumbbells up to 40lbs.
They tend to get good results…..cause they make do, and do the f-ing work.
Space/ Place isn’t a Valid Excuse.
If it was, Buns of Steel, P90X, Insanity,
Those weird John Basedow tapes from back in the day where he was doing chest flys near the glass fixture…yeah, that’s safe ….
ALL of those were made and marketed so you could workout at home.
Kids Isn’t An Issue:
If anything don’t you want to set an example for your kids?
Wouldn’t you want them to grasp that their physical (and mental) health and well-being are valuable and worth the effort and sacrifice?
At least more valuable than another hour of your day (and you know it’s more than one) in front of the TV or on the telephone doing and talking about nothing and nonsense?
Threat of Zombies:<—–may become an issue, but as of now seems highly unlikely.
From: http://sillym.blogspot.com/
However, if it occurs, you’e chances of survival are slightly higher if you’re physically fit and therefore valuable to the group.
Being a Martyr and lying to yourself “sacrificing” your well-being for others “happiness” will get you no where.
But stuck exactly where you are.
Which is a train that’s barreling down slope and it ain’t gonna stop until you pull the break.
Here’s what you’re sacrifice might, may, probably will, in some form, eventually, get you:
- Lethargy
- Generalized Sickness (colds, flu, just feeling bad)
- Depression <—exercise is as effective as meds, I shit you not.
- Anxiety <—-again, as good or better than meds
- Self Doubt
- Moodiness
- Stress
- Lack of overall positivity/ optimism
- Weight gain
- Body image dissatisfaction
- Development of Diabetes
- Joint pain
- Muscle pain
- Development of cognitive disorders (Alzheimer’s, Dementia)
- Diabetes
- Cardiovascular disease
In fact, a lack of exercise is now thought to be a major cause of all chronic disease.
Stick your partner and kids with those?
Thanks MOM!
But those things only affect “old” people?
Not any more: Living Sick and Dying Young in Rich America
If you honestly care for someone else, if you honestly value that relationship, then you have an obligation to bring the best you to that relationship you can.
Set an example, remember little eyes are always watching and learning from you.
#1 predictor of attitudes, values and ACTIONS as an adult is:
The Attitudes, Values and ACTIONS of your Parents
You can show your kids what it is to actually value and respect yourself and your health and your time.
Or
You can show your kids what being a Martyr and making false sacrifices as a way to justify your inaction, excuses, lack of self fulfillment/ improvement and poor health is.
but hey, you got to watch that extra hour of TV and troll Facebook , “like” that sh@t.
* Need some help getting your sh@t together?
Distance coaching is available, actually personalized programs, written by me for YOU. Been doing it a while and have gotten some good results. View some testimonials by clicking here...
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